James

I just finished watching 'Fucking Amal' (aka 'Show Me Love') for the third time. It's a Swedish movie about two young girls living in a small town. Agnes doesn't have any friends and is constantly being teased at school, and has been in love with the popular girl, Elin, who drinks and parties with an older crowd. Agnes barely registers in Elin's mind, until the night she ends up going to Agnes' birthday party on a whim, and being dared to kiss her. From then on it's a struggle for her to come to terms with the fact that she has feelings for another girl.

Anyway, I saw this movie twice about 5 or 6 years ago, and at that stage my thought pattern ended at "Awesome! They're making out!". Watching it now, it means a lot more to me. Even though it was all in Swedish, having to read the subtitles didn't take away from the quality of the movie, and a lot of the time I felt that the subtitles weren't even entirely necessary. It was less about what was being said and more about the emotion behind it, and both of the actresses did an amazing job at conveying that. Especially my favourite of the two, Alexandra Dahlstrom. Look at the pretty:



What can I say? I have a thing for tomboys.

So anyway, if you're a fan of lesbians and foreign films (or even just lesbians - I don't normally like foreign films) then I would recommend Fucking Amal. It's beautiful.

Is it wrong that I can read a story about a girl being raped, and still give it merit for its writing style?

I have the Fingersmith DVD on order. All I have seen are clips of it from YouTube, but so far I love, love, LOVE what I see.

The sex scenes are hot too (if not a little short).

This has given a little faith back to me. I was starting to think that there were no good lesbian movies left that I hadn't seen.

I will confess I don't like ordering DVD's though. I'm impatient and when I find something I really want, I like to have it yesterday, and not have to wait a week to get it.

Also - 20 days until I turn 20.

I MUST LEARN HOW TO MAKE FANVIDS.

The world needs SPASHLEY VIDS.

NOW.

Note to self: Move to Mexico. Age of consent for girls is TWELVE. Finally, somewhere I belong.

I just saw Domino. GIMMEKEIRANOWKTHX

Let me just say...

( Kinda-sorta-almost Domino spoiler )

It's all about sex right now. I don't know why. The last few days all I've done is think about sex, watch porn and masturbate.

It's getting ridiculous actually. Usually I'm not one to openly admit to any of this, which also strikes me as kind of weird since I don't seem to be having any trouble admitting to it right now. Maybe it's all the thinking about the Gilmore Girls and, more specifically, Lauren Graham having sex with women, or maybe it's due to me watching a whole lot of my old movies with cute girls in them...it could even be an Emma Watson thing. Who the hell knows?

All I do know is that it's becoming quite a distraction and I'll be lucky not to get fired if this keeps up. I need to concentrate in my job, otherwise I could seriously hurt myself since I work with very sharp blades and rollers that could crush a finger in all of 3 seconds.

I need to get a grip. No pun intended :-P

John, I totally blame you.

When the Harry Potter movie was first coming out, I vowed not to see it, purely because everybody else was SO IN LOVE with it. I wanted no part of that, but I buckled under pressure and watched the first movie. I loved it, and I hated the fact that I did. I refused to watch the next 2 when they came out and up until now I have stuck to that decision. But I got curious about Goblet of Fire after reading some of your posts involving Harry Potter. Then I went to see Flightplan last night and saw the Trailer for GoF. And now...

I am so TOTALLY DROOLING ALL OVER DANIEL Radcliffe AND EMMA Watson. (The 15 year old versions, not the 11 year old versions - although Daniel was still pretty cute at that stage...)

Ohhh, that accent...*drool*

So I'm giving in. I'm going to hire the first 3 and watch them back to back, then go and see the fourth in the cinema. I'm becoming a HP addict, and it's ALL. YOUR. FAULT.

By the way Johnny boy, my brother is staying with me until Saturday, then I have an old mate staying the rest of the weekend, so I don't know when I will get around to replying to your email yet. I feel like we're just getting into the headspace where we can finally start digging a little deeper into each other, so I don't want to make a rushed attempt at it. It might take a couple days, but I want to write something good for you buddy. It shouldn't take too long, I'll try to get something out to you after I get home from work tomorrow night.

Anyway, my hormones are going psycho - it's 2am and I'm horny as a bitch *cough*DanielandEmma*cough*. So I'm getting the hell out of here so I can go have a toss and get some sleep. Preferrably in that order :P

Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.

C'mon people! The only thing anyone is writing at the Flyfic site is Jayne/Simon. Not that that isnt a quite legitimate (and sometimes nicely erotic) pairing, its just that NOBODY is writing good Kaylee fics...whether that be Kaylee/Inara, or Kaylee/River. I dont mind either way but it just doesnt seem like there is enough good Kaylee fic out there. C'mon people, do your bit to help my life be a little more bearable. Gimme the sexy fics!

In October of last year I wrote an LJ entry that had a dream in it about a woman I work with, Jo. Well, I've had feelings for her for a while now, and even with the age gap (11 years is a big gap I know, but I really just don't care) I think I've fallen for this woman. There's a few problems with this potential scenario -

1. She has a 10 year old daughter. This may not seem like a big deal but if you think about it, I'm closer to being her daughters age than I am to being her age (I'm now 19 and she's just turned 30). Plus I used to be her daughters drum teacher - I think it would be a bit weird for her daughter to deal with although Caitlyn seems like one of the smartest 10 year olds I have ever met when it comes to relationships and judging a persons character.

2. She is in a long-distance relationship with a guy down in Sydney. For a start, I have been cheated on before and would never ask anybody to cheat on their partner to be with me. Second, this obviously means she isn't particularly interested in me in a relationship capacity.

3. Tomorrow is her last day at the company where I work.

I went to say goodbye to her tonight coz I wont be there to see her tomorrow and we ended up talking for an hour, her asking questions about my transtition, and still managing to be tactful and playful about the whole thing. She asked me if I have a girlfriend which I find a bit strange but I'm pretty sure nothing was intended by it. The biggest problem of all is the fact that every time I talk to her I fall in love all over again. She's just that kind of person. She's wild and crazy and up for a good time when the opportunity arises, but she is a mother before all else and she cares about her daughter deeply.

I know a lot of transguys I've met and talked to have already been in long term relationships or at least had a partner before starting to transition, and even though sometimes transition takes its toll on the relationship and may even be the breaking point of it, I would think that having someone to share the experience with would feel much better than going through it all on your own. I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I feel mentally ready for a relationship but as soon as the physical side of things comes into question I just can't bring myself to go there. I'd really like a partner to share myself with through this process but the thought of being rejected in the first place because of my gender expression is enough to make me too shy to ask anyone out, not to mention the embarrassment over my body holding me back.

I consider myself a nice guy, and cute enough when it comes down to it. But I'm just too body-conscious.

Anyway, Jo gave me her phone number for when we get the house fixed up and we wanna have a get together or a barbeque or something. I told her me and the boys would invite her over sometime for a drink and a chat. I'm going to miss having her around at work though.

I wonder sometimes just how many straight or bisexual girls out there really do have a soft spot for trannyboys...?

It's been a long time - more than 3 months - since I last posted. I've been lost without my computer, internet and cellphone. I'm so happy I have them back - not at their best, but back just the same. My computer is as slow as my grandmother on a Sunday afternoon, my internet loads pages so slowly that most of them time out before they are done, and my cellphone is about the size of a brick. But at least they are all working again.

Anyway - mad dream. This chick that I work with, Jo, is the cutest, sweetest, sexiest little thing ever. We just won't mention that she's 11 years older than me, right? Well, I had this dream about her last night. It involved her, a party, a bunch of gangsters and a bed surrounded by curtains. It's understandable that there were gangsters in it considering I was listening to Dykes on Mykes last night and they were talking to the leading ladies from the all-girl production of Reservoir Dogs coming up in Brissy. But anywho here's ( my dream - for those interested. )

In other news, I came out at work a while ago and now I am officially James to everyone there even though it's not on any official documents yet, and my bosses try their best to suit my work times around my appointments (if its necessary) which is cool. All of the staff think of me as one of the boys and that's how I'm treated. I'm lovin' it.

Also - if anyone listens to the Hot 30 Countdown with Higgo and Alexis on B105 - please note that Alexis is a major hottie. So are Nat and Davinia from Dykes on Mykes. Which reminds me, they were talking about Pride '05 last night and I can't wait for it. Finally 18 so I can go into the Beer tent with the other T-boys and be macho.

It's 3am, I must be lonely.

Ok...just a little bit lonely, mostly just tired coz I only finished night shift at midnight. (10 hour shift, 2pm - midnight, no breaks.) Plus this post is a lot longer than I intended it to be so I apologise. And for anybody I usually email, I'm sorry, I can't get into my hotmail coz the page won't load so once that's running again you will all be receiving lots of mail :D
Later dayz, y'all.