(no subject)
Feb. 26th, 2006 10:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jspencer1986My life, at this point in time, revolves around a few very simple things. There are, of course, other things in my world, but the main ones are the ones that mean the most to me RIGHT NOW. They are
1) Fandom.
My fandoms are an amazingly large part of my life right now. A lot of people think it ridiculous to put so much time and energy into 'some TV show/s', but to me, my fandoms are much more than that. These places are my homes, these people are my friends, and as strange as it may sound to some of you, it makes me happy to be a part of that. So some people don't understand it. That's fine. But don't judge it. Just acknowledge and accept that it's a big part of who I am, and respect that it's something I love. That kind of attitude will get you far with me.
2) Feelings.
I've realised recently that there is a large part of me that is pure lust. I constantly have numerous crushes, most of which don't last more than a week. I obsess over cute/hot/sexy actresses and musicians (some of them slightly underage but whatever...). I think about sex the majority of the time. And that's okay with me.
The way I feel things now, as opposed to a few years ago, is hard to explain. I used to think I had to be with someone to be worth something. I thought you were SUPPOSED to be in love with somebody all the time. And now...not so much. Right here, right now, I'm not in love with anybody, and I'm actually happy to say it. I like being able to just see someone on the street and take a good look at them. I like having a hundred ridiculous crushes at once, and I like not letting other people tell me that's wrong. I don't have sex, and I feel great about the fact that I don't feel pressured to do it just because the opportunity presents itself, or because it's what I 'should' be doing. I like porn, and I like not being ashamed to say it. But mostly - I like that I surround myself with people who know all of that and JUST. DON'T. CARE.
And lastly...
3) Friendships.
I have very few friends. BUT. Those I have are AMAZING. Unfortunately, two of them (Matt and Rick) are moving up north in about three weeks time, but since I live with Haydn (Matt's younger brother) there's no chance of us losing contact, which I'm happy about. They're all great guys, and aside from the odd fight here and there, we get along very well. It'll be sad to see them go, but I understand why they're leaving and I think in the long run it will be a much better place for them to be.
But the one person I'm most thankful for is my best friend.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jarrow272 may live a million miles away from me, half way across the fucking world, but he's the best friend I've ever had. In a lot of my previous friendships, I've done little talking and more listening than anybody should really ever have to. But when we have a conversation, we each listen to what the other has to say. It's never one-sided, and it's never awkward or forced. He encourages me, inspires me, and in more ways than he knows, he's teaching me to be a better person. That's more than I could ever ask from anybody, and he does all that without ever having to be asked, or asking anything in return. You just don't find friends like that anymore. There's no way I could thank him for all the things he's done for me, but I'm always going to continue to try.
It's strange actually. I'm TERRIBLE on the phone. I hate talking on the phone and usually get stuck with awkward silences or manage to say completely idiotic things. But John called me today and we talked for 3 hours. I wasn't nervous, I don't think I said anything incredibly stupid, and we talked like we'd known each other forever. It was kinda nice. And really special to me that we finally got the chance to talk for real. In that situation, it's weird to think that he's actually like a gazillion miles away, when it feels like he's right here. I love you, bro, and don't you forget it.
Uh anyway, it wasn't supposed to get all disgustingly sappy, I was just kind of doing a 'Life Check-point' thing. I figured it was time I evaluate and comment on a few things and see what my life is about these days. Looking at this stuff now, I realise that I sound extremely boring since it seems like my life revolves around DVD's, porn and my best friend. But I'm happy. SO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT, LOSER :-)
1) Fandom.
My fandoms are an amazingly large part of my life right now. A lot of people think it ridiculous to put so much time and energy into 'some TV show/s', but to me, my fandoms are much more than that. These places are my homes, these people are my friends, and as strange as it may sound to some of you, it makes me happy to be a part of that. So some people don't understand it. That's fine. But don't judge it. Just acknowledge and accept that it's a big part of who I am, and respect that it's something I love. That kind of attitude will get you far with me.
2) Feelings.
I've realised recently that there is a large part of me that is pure lust. I constantly have numerous crushes, most of which don't last more than a week. I obsess over cute/hot/sexy actresses and musicians (some of them slightly underage but whatever...). I think about sex the majority of the time. And that's okay with me.
The way I feel things now, as opposed to a few years ago, is hard to explain. I used to think I had to be with someone to be worth something. I thought you were SUPPOSED to be in love with somebody all the time. And now...not so much. Right here, right now, I'm not in love with anybody, and I'm actually happy to say it. I like being able to just see someone on the street and take a good look at them. I like having a hundred ridiculous crushes at once, and I like not letting other people tell me that's wrong. I don't have sex, and I feel great about the fact that I don't feel pressured to do it just because the opportunity presents itself, or because it's what I 'should' be doing. I like porn, and I like not being ashamed to say it. But mostly - I like that I surround myself with people who know all of that and JUST. DON'T. CARE.
And lastly...
3) Friendships.
I have very few friends. BUT. Those I have are AMAZING. Unfortunately, two of them (Matt and Rick) are moving up north in about three weeks time, but since I live with Haydn (Matt's younger brother) there's no chance of us losing contact, which I'm happy about. They're all great guys, and aside from the odd fight here and there, we get along very well. It'll be sad to see them go, but I understand why they're leaving and I think in the long run it will be a much better place for them to be.
But the one person I'm most thankful for is my best friend.
jarrow272 may live a million miles away from me, half way across the fucking world, but he's the best friend I've ever had. In a lot of my previous friendships, I've done little talking and more listening than anybody should really ever have to. But when we have a conversation, we each listen to what the other has to say. It's never one-sided, and it's never awkward or forced. He encourages me, inspires me, and in more ways than he knows, he's teaching me to be a better person. That's more than I could ever ask from anybody, and he does all that without ever having to be asked, or asking anything in return. You just don't find friends like that anymore. There's no way I could thank him for all the things he's done for me, but I'm always going to continue to try.It's strange actually. I'm TERRIBLE on the phone. I hate talking on the phone and usually get stuck with awkward silences or manage to say completely idiotic things. But John called me today and we talked for 3 hours. I wasn't nervous, I don't think I said anything incredibly stupid, and we talked like we'd known each other forever. It was kinda nice. And really special to me that we finally got the chance to talk for real. In that situation, it's weird to think that he's actually like a gazillion miles away, when it feels like he's right here. I love you, bro, and don't you forget it.
Uh anyway, it wasn't supposed to get all disgustingly sappy, I was just kind of doing a 'Life Check-point' thing. I figured it was time I evaluate and comment on a few things and see what my life is about these days. Looking at this stuff now, I realise that I sound extremely boring since it seems like my life revolves around DVD's, porn and my best friend. But I'm happy. SO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT, LOSER :-)
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2006-02-26 10:53 am (UTC)You say that as if mine doesn't, too? hehe
I'm glad you enjoyed the phone call so much; I did as well, obviously. And no, you didn't say anything incredibly stupid ;-) The fact that we had such a great chat is just a testament to our bond. Thank you for all the sweet things you said here, and know that I reciprocate them 100%. I'm so glad we're on the same page about so many things in our lives, particularly this friendship.
And go me for guessing two of your three Fs :-) I never thought "feelings" would be the third, though! Guess I underestimated you ;-)
no subject
on 2006-02-26 03:47 pm (UTC)