James

I got a message from my boss on my phone when I woke up. He wants me to work Saturday, but I'm already working Sunday and my parents are coming down for the weekend. I feel bad saying no, and I REALLY need the money, but I'd prefer to hang out with my parents. I never thought I'd say that.

In other news, Haydn and I just watched Band Candy and Once More With Feeling. I think we'll watch Tabula Rasa next That episode always makes me sad. I can't stand to see Tara leave. Then I want to watch the whole season of South of Nowhere again. It's official. I'm obsessed. I must add it to my list of favourites. Buffy. Firefly. Sports Night. And now South of Nowhere.

It's too annoying to think about the fact that I have to wait until October at the earliest for Season 2. Then again, we don't get the show here so I have to wait until somebody puts it on the internet. So it'll probably be the end of the year before I get to see it. THAT SUCKS BALLS.

I just found out the figures for my payrise.

My pay went from just over $10/hr to just under $14/hr

SCORE.

I'm not thinking clearly, and that results in crazy stupid ideas.

I'm thinking quite seriously about a change. A move. If I can wait it out here where I'm working, go to my conventions in April/May, and hopefully get some part-time work for my days off (whether that be mowing lawns, busking, or doing odd jobs for people), I think I can get a few things sorted out. Honestly, my job is killing me. I'm dying a little more inside every day I have to be there, and as dramatic as that sounds, it's the truth. But, if this is where I need to be right now, then so be it. Here are my goals. I have no time constraints on them, but the quicker the better.

GOAL #1

Get my change of name finalised. FINALLY. It hasn't been done yet, for the simple fact that I haven't been able to afford it. Granted $100 doesn't sound like a lot, but it is when you don't have it. This goal includes getting my license changed to say James and MALE. *Note to self: Make appointment with Dr Linnane for letter about change of sex on license*

GOAL #2

Get my loans paid off. I'm about $5000 in debt (motorbike/guitar and amp), but if I can manage to get a little extra work here and there I may be able to sort that out sometime quite a bit sooner than expected. OR, my other option is getting a $5000 loan to pay out the 2 other loans. Doing that would cut my monthly payments in half, and I still may be able to pay it out sooner. In any case, I need to find a way to get rid of my debts and save a couple grand. FAST. I'll pretty much do anything short of selling myself on a street corner (although if I got really desperate...). Any ideas?

GOAL #3

Apply for a passport. I suppose I'm going to need documentation from both my psychs to get MALE on my passport but I know other guys who haven't had too many problems. I'm going to need to do this sometime in the near future anyway if I ever want to take a holiday to see John, but it also comes into play with...

GOAL #4

Take a preliminary trip to the US. Maybe a week or two, just to check the place out, see what the music scene is like, check the availability of work for someone with as few qualifications as I have (again, the street corner may come into play if I get desperate...), etc.

GOAL #5

Get details on what I need to do to acquire a work visa or whatever I need to get over there and stay for a while. If I go there, I want to be in it for the long haul - hence the preliminary trip first. I need to know that it's going to be as 'right' as I feel it will be.


Ok, before anybody says anything about it being a rushed, rash, or irrational decision, I would like to say, this has been a long time coming. It's something I've thought about long and hard, and it's not a decision I would take lightly. I love my family and I know I'm going to miss them a lot when I try to do all this, but I feel like this is what I need to do. I was listening to a Carrie Underwood song last night and I heard the line, "I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be", and I realised that I don't feel like that. I never have. This move will hopefully set that right. This is my life, and it might be a wrong decision, but it's my decision to make.

It won't be right away. I need time to organise myself, pay my debts, save some cash and take the trip to figure out the work and housing issues, but give it a year, maybe a little longer, and I hope to be out of this place, and out of the rut I'm in. I want this. No, it's more than that. I need this, and hopefully the people I love can understand and support me. I need to start over, and I think Seattle might just be the place to do it.

John. I just want you to know that although you're a big part of the Seattle decision, I'm not doing this for you. I don't want you to think that I just want to be over there because that's where you are and I want us to be able to hang out or whatever. While I do like the idea of finally getting to be as close in person as we are from opposite sides of the world, this decision was made purely for me. It was your influence that led me to believe that I can actually achieve these goals, and for that I'm thankful. Know that I love you and you'll always be my big brother.

AND in other shitty news, the L Word Season Premiere was on last night at midnight, my friend JP told me he would record it for me on his DVD recorder (I couldnt stay up because I had work early), and when I came home to watch it this afternoon, I put the disc in the DVD player and it said BAD DISC.

So now that its finally back on after a year of waiting, I've missed the premiere and probably wont get to watch ANY of the series until I buy the DVD's, because of it being on so late at night. And considering the latest developments about my pay, I wont be getting the DVD's - or ANY DVD's for that matter - anytime soon.

The universe hates me. Hell, even I hate me right now. And I want to hurt everything. BADLY.

I've been to the movies 3 times in 2 days now. Sunday night, Rick and I went out to dinner together and then went to see Narnia. I have never read the books or seen the original movie, but this movie was definitely incentive to do so. Needless to say I enjoyed it a great deal. Although I did keep Ricky in fits of laughter with my comments throughout the movie. I'm really bad for doing that.

So anyway, yesterday I got totally bored and had nothing better to do so I went to see Just Like Heaven (hello, total romantic-comedy whore here...). I really wanted to see Rumour Has It but that doesn't start showing here until Thursday. So anyway, JLH was a cute movie. I like Reese Witherspoon. She's a great actress. It was kind of sad in parts, but what's a happy ending when there's no sad beginning?

Right after I got out of JLH, I checked the other movie times and it turned out The Family Stone was playing 20 minutes later so I had a quick drink then went to see that. This movie I loved. My mum's going to want to see this one - she's totally in love with Dermot Mulroney. This movie had a great story line, a little predictable, but enjoyable all the same. Plus, there was a cute deaf gay guy named Thad (played by Tyrone Giordano), Rachel McAdams and Claire Danes. I mean, 2 hot girls and a cute guy...what more would I want?

The only thing I didn't like about this movie was Sarah Jessica Parker. The casting was good for the film but I personally don't like her as an actor and had a hard time getting past that. Anyway, the movie was great. There were also a lot of sad parts in this one, but they were definitely essential to the movie.

Hmm. ok, so I have to go back to work today. That sucks. I hope my new glasses arrive today before I go. I'm so impatient.

Oh, yeah, I bought the new Keith Urban and Jo Dee Messina albums the other day and I love them. I'm especially in love with Making Memories and Tonight I Wanna Cry by Keith, and It's Too Late To Worry and Who's Crying Now by Jo Dee. I'm such a sucker.

Anywho, I'm out, I need food and to finish the tea Haydn made for me.

All in all, I feel comfortable and happy. I hope everybody else is feeling as good as I do. Peace y'all.

I have Wednesday and Thursday nights off work to hang out with my bro while he's here. We're having an ex girlfriend of his over on Wednesday. I haven't seen her in years, but apparently she has only changed for the better, and I had a crush on her while he was dating her. I'm sure I won't still feel it, it was like 10 years ago, plus I feel really out of sync with all things dating at the moment. It's odd.

On Thursday or Friday we're going to go into the city. I'll probably stop by the Daily Planet and get some more Buffy Trading Cards, then we can go see a movie, and maybe finish with a visit to Borders to get the Harry Potter books and then Starbucks.

Starbucks? Oh no. The council fears I am becoming too...American.

Boo hoo.

Also, I have to vent here. I totally hate when you email someone, including questions and such (therefore implying you wish the person to respond), and they just don't bother replying. That really gets on my nerves. If you're taking the time to email someone *cough*OldMathTeacherAndNowGoodFriend*cough* you obviously care enough to bother. Yet they can't be bothered to take 10 minutes (Read: A good solid hour) out of their day to say a simple 'Hey, how are you?' (Read: To tell me every little detail of their life in the past week, coz I'm the kind of person who wants to know).

Bitches.

OOH. And I finally administered my very first shot on myself yesterday. Not as difficult as I thought it would be. Guess I can keep doing it myself now :) Yay. No more getting my flatmate to look at my arse. Poor bastard.

Anyway, getting ready for work now so I'm going to make like my personality and split. Or make like a lettuce and head. Or make like a tom and cruise. Whatever.

Later days.

It's been a long time - more than 3 months - since I last posted. I've been lost without my computer, internet and cellphone. I'm so happy I have them back - not at their best, but back just the same. My computer is as slow as my grandmother on a Sunday afternoon, my internet loads pages so slowly that most of them time out before they are done, and my cellphone is about the size of a brick. But at least they are all working again.

Anyway - mad dream. This chick that I work with, Jo, is the cutest, sweetest, sexiest little thing ever. We just won't mention that she's 11 years older than me, right? Well, I had this dream about her last night. It involved her, a party, a bunch of gangsters and a bed surrounded by curtains. It's understandable that there were gangsters in it considering I was listening to Dykes on Mykes last night and they were talking to the leading ladies from the all-girl production of Reservoir Dogs coming up in Brissy. But anywho here's ( my dream - for those interested. )

In other news, I came out at work a while ago and now I am officially James to everyone there even though it's not on any official documents yet, and my bosses try their best to suit my work times around my appointments (if its necessary) which is cool. All of the staff think of me as one of the boys and that's how I'm treated. I'm lovin' it.

Also - if anyone listens to the Hot 30 Countdown with Higgo and Alexis on B105 - please note that Alexis is a major hottie. So are Nat and Davinia from Dykes on Mykes. Which reminds me, they were talking about Pride '05 last night and I can't wait for it. Finally 18 so I can go into the Beer tent with the other T-boys and be macho.

It's 3am, I must be lonely.

Ok...just a little bit lonely, mostly just tired coz I only finished night shift at midnight. (10 hour shift, 2pm - midnight, no breaks.) Plus this post is a lot longer than I intended it to be so I apologise. And for anybody I usually email, I'm sorry, I can't get into my hotmail coz the page won't load so once that's running again you will all be receiving lots of mail :D
Later dayz, y'all.

I love having a shave (even though I don't need to) - it gives me spiky lil sidies :)

It's so cool when the hot chick down at the gas station calls me 'matie'. It's the cutest.

Ain't it awesome when the cute girl that my two flatmates wanna get in bed gives ME the wink and shy smile instead of them.

My flatmate is looking into getting me an interview for a full-time packers job at a label factory. It's hard work, but at least I'll have a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Plus its good money.

I know my last few posts have been random and choppy. I'll try to pick up my act a bit once my arthritis isn't so bad in my back and I can sit at the computer for a bit longer.

I. NEED. A. HAIRCUT.

BADLY.