jspencer1986: (Default)
I just finished watching 'Fucking Amal' (aka 'Show Me Love') for the third time. It's a Swedish movie about two young girls living in a small town. Agnes doesn't have any friends and is constantly being teased at school, and has been in love with the popular girl, Elin, who drinks and parties with an older crowd. Agnes barely registers in Elin's mind, until the night she ends up going to Agnes' birthday party on a whim, and being dared to kiss her. From then on it's a struggle for her to come to terms with the fact that she has feelings for another girl.

Anyway, I saw this movie twice about 5 or 6 years ago, and at that stage my thought pattern ended at "Awesome! They're making out!". Watching it now, it means a lot more to me. Even though it was all in Swedish, having to read the subtitles didn't take away from the quality of the movie, and a lot of the time I felt that the subtitles weren't even entirely necessary. It was less about what was being said and more about the emotion behind it, and both of the actresses did an amazing job at conveying that. Especially my favourite of the two, Alexandra Dahlstrom. Look at the pretty:

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What can I say? I have a thing for tomboys.

So anyway, if you're a fan of lesbians and foreign films (or even just lesbians - I don't normally like foreign films) then I would recommend Fucking Amal. It's beautiful.
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Woo. Mum and I went to the pub last night and won $2000. Excellent.

I'm not sure I like having my cousins baby around so much now. I'm getting too comfortable with the idea of having kids. Yesterday we took my cousin out to do some shopping for her birthday, so I pretty much looked after the baby for most of the day. I originally didn't want much to do with this kid for fear that I'd get used to it and actually want one of my own sooner than I could possibly have one. And now, I'm at the stage where I like holding her and feeding her and putting her to sleep. It's the cutest thing when she snuggles into me. But I don't want to think that. Yesterday, she was starting to cry when my mum was holding her, so I took her and she stopped right away. The girls at the hairdressers were giving me adoring (and somewhat annoying) 'awww, cute daddy' looks. Anyway, just something to think on.

Hmm. I think I've watched Fingersmith maybe 25 times now. I watch it before I go to bed, or if I'm really tired, just watch my favourite parts. God, how I love that film. If this isn't enough to make everyone think I'm insane, then how's this: I have audio clips from the film on my mp3 player that I listen to while I'm trying to fall asleep. The soft sounds of the words and the way Elaine and Sally say them, the cute accents...it just makes me feel...I don't really know what. Anyway, enough for now.
jspencer1986: (Default)
Is it wrong that I can read a story about a girl being raped, and still give it merit for its writing style?
jspencer1986: (Serenity)
I just finished reading Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg. And I watched the film with my mum for about the 8th time last night.

Like most other novels-turned-film, there were a lot of things that were left out of the movie, and some parts of the story were completely different. Ages, timelines, the way certain events took place, who was there when different things happened. Anyway, I was impressed by the novel nonetheless. It made me feel happy when they were happy, sad when they were sad, and nervous as a schoolboy with a crush during any Idgie/Ruth moments. That ability to invoke emotion is definitely one of the most important things I look for in a book, and this one most certainly delivered.

I'm still pushing through Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, but next on my reading list just has to be Fingersmith. I watched it again the other night while my mum was playing around on the computer and by about 10 minutes in she had to come watch it with me. She was hooked. So I wouldn't mind reading the novel just to see what it's like. I'm sure I'll love it.

Also, I watched Catch That Kid on TV the other night and I was kind of impressed. It was a cool movie. Jennifer Beals is not entirely what I would call a great actor, but at least she didn't annoy me. And from this experience came Actress Crush #323545654745: Kristen Stewart.

Yes folks, I know she's only 16, but I only have the mentality of a 16 year old so it's ok. Promise. Plus, she plays a lot of tomboyish roles. It's cute. Look at the pretty...

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And I made a shiny new icon out of it (and I also made the shiny Serenity one I'm using at this very second)...

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The words aren't meant to be legible, but they say 'I got cute to spare - Kristen Stewart'. It isn't a quote from her, just something I thought about her when I was making the icon. 'Cause, hello?!

Anyway, I'm in the icon making mood now so this pedophile boy is off to make him some pretty new ones, featuring Miss Kristen.
jspencer1986: (Default)
I have the Fingersmith DVD on order. All I have seen are clips of it from YouTube, but so far I love, love, LOVE what I see.

The sex scenes are hot too (if not a little short).

This has given a little faith back to me. I was starting to think that there were no good lesbian movies left that I hadn't seen.

I will confess I don't like ordering DVD's though. I'm impatient and when I find something I really want, I like to have it yesterday, and not have to wait a week to get it.

Also - 20 days until I turn 20.
jspencer1986: (Default)
I just watched a completely weird movie called Pretty Persuasions.The ultimate scene for me was the scene where Evan Rachel Wood was going down on, then making out with, Jane Krakowski. SO HOT.

Anyway, just needed to post about it to get it out of my head.
jspencer1986: (Default)
I MUST LEARN HOW TO MAKE FANVIDS.

The world needs SPASHLEY VIDS.

NOW.

Note to self: Move to Mexico. Age of consent for girls is TWELVE. Finally, somewhere I belong.
jspencer1986: (Default)
My life, at this point in time, revolves around a few very simple things. There are, of course, other things in my world, but the main ones are the ones that mean the most to me RIGHT NOW. They are the 3 F's. )
jspencer1986: (Default)
I just saw Domino. GIMMEKEIRANOWKTHX

Let me just say...

Kinda-sorta-almost Domino spoiler )
jspencer1986: (Default)
Dear Miss Granger,

It has come to our attention that yourself and Mr Potter are harboring unresolved sexual tension.

It is understood that these feelings will not 'just go away' and further action is required if you wish to remain a student at Hogwarts. Supressed feelings can be dangerous, both to yourself and those around you, as any such tension caused by this supression may cloud your ability to be clear-headed in the fight against he-who-must-not-be-named.

A similar letter has been forwarded by owl to Mr Potter, detailing the seriousness of this issue. It is required that both of you get rid of Mr Weasley by any means necessary, and from then on, have lots and lots of (very public) sex. If these requirements are not met, we reserve the right to seize your wand and/or terminate your enrollment at Hogwarts Academy until further notice.

It was not our wish to take such a harsh approach, but it was apparent that without such action both Mr Potter and yourself would never admit your feelings.

Regards,

Albus Dumbledore
jspencer1986: (Default)
It's all about sex right now. I don't know why. The last few days all I've done is think about sex, watch porn and masturbate.

It's getting ridiculous actually. Usually I'm not one to openly admit to any of this, which also strikes me as kind of weird since I don't seem to be having any trouble admitting to it right now. Maybe it's all the thinking about the Gilmore Girls and, more specifically, Lauren Graham having sex with women, or maybe it's due to me watching a whole lot of my old movies with cute girls in them...it could even be an Emma Watson thing. Who the hell knows?

All I do know is that it's becoming quite a distraction and I'll be lucky not to get fired if this keeps up. I need to concentrate in my job, otherwise I could seriously hurt myself since I work with very sharp blades and rollers that could crush a finger in all of 3 seconds.

I need to get a grip. No pun intended :-P
jspencer1986: (Default)
How do I know I'll be really terrible in bed?

The answer. )
jspencer1986: (Default)
John, I totally blame you.

When the Harry Potter movie was first coming out, I vowed not to see it, purely because everybody else was SO IN LOVE with it. I wanted no part of that, but I buckled under pressure and watched the first movie. I loved it, and I hated the fact that I did. I refused to watch the next 2 when they came out and up until now I have stuck to that decision. But I got curious about Goblet of Fire after reading some of your posts involving Harry Potter. Then I went to see Flightplan last night and saw the Trailer for GoF. And now...

I am so TOTALLY DROOLING ALL OVER DANIEL Radcliffe AND EMMA Watson. (The 15 year old versions, not the 11 year old versions - although Daniel was still pretty cute at that stage...)

Ohhh, that accent...*drool*

So I'm giving in. I'm going to hire the first 3 and watch them back to back, then go and see the fourth in the cinema. I'm becoming a HP addict, and it's ALL. YOUR. FAULT.

By the way Johnny boy, my brother is staying with me until Saturday, then I have an old mate staying the rest of the weekend, so I don't know when I will get around to replying to your email yet. I feel like we're just getting into the headspace where we can finally start digging a little deeper into each other, so I don't want to make a rushed attempt at it. It might take a couple days, but I want to write something good for you buddy. It shouldn't take too long, I'll try to get something out to you after I get home from work tomorrow night.

Anyway, my hormones are going psycho - it's 2am and I'm horny as a bitch *cough*DanielandEmma*cough*. So I'm getting the hell out of here so I can go have a toss and get some sleep. Preferrably in that order :P

Goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.
jspencer1986: (Default)
Alright so its been a few days since I posted. I havent really got anything too interesting to report. I watched a movie called Dr. T & The Women yesterday. The only reason I bought it was coz I heard Liv Tyler and Kate Hudson make out. They kiss a couple times, and the movie's pretty good and everything, I just would have liked a little more girl on girl action in the mix :) Plus - big fan of both Kate and Liv.

In other news...I need to get the Gilmore Girls DVD box sets. Can't get them cheap in Australia, considering they were never released here so I can only get them on ebay. But within the next few weeks I'll get all the seasons that are out on DVD so far. As well as Tru Calling Seasons 1 and 2, Ellen Seasons 1 to 4, The L Word Season 2 (which we also won't be getting in Oz), all the Angel DVDs, Charmed...well, lets just say a lot of my money in the near future will be going to DVD box sets. I'm slightly obsessive about TV shows. It's sad really. In my house we own over 260 DVD's. And that's NOT including box sets. It's great seeing the looks on peoples faces when they walk into our house and the first thing they see is 8 DVD cabinets stacked up and full of DVDs. It's priceless.

Anyway yeah I'm going. I gotta get ready and go back to work to drop off some stuff to a workmate. He has a habit of lending me books and DVD's about lesbians, and the drawback of that is that I have to go up to work on my day off to give them back. Screw that. Anyway yeah. I'm out.
jspencer1986: (Default)
C'mon people! The only thing anyone is writing at the Flyfic site is Jayne/Simon. Not that that isnt a quite legitimate (and sometimes nicely erotic) pairing, its just that NOBODY is writing good Kaylee fics...whether that be Kaylee/Inara, or Kaylee/River. I dont mind either way but it just doesnt seem like there is enough good Kaylee fic out there. C'mon people, do your bit to help my life be a little more bearable. Gimme the sexy fics!
jspencer1986: (Default)
Before I forget. I've had 2 fucked up dreams in the last few days.

The first involves Heather Locklear flagging me down to fix her mini-van. So I fix the van, she kisses me and I follow her back to her house (in a mini-van of my own) to 'play' for a while.

So whats the deal with all the mini-vans? And whats the deal with Heather Locklear being in my dreams? I usually like girls HALF my age, not TWICE my age...

But anyway, the second dream was weirder.

I was a rat. I was staying with a whole bunch of mice. One mouse invited me to stay for thanksgiving dinner (which is strange in itself considering we don't have thanksgiving in Australia), and so I stayed and the rest of the mice were pissed off at me because they didnt want me there.

So there you have it. Undeniable proof that I belong in the crazy house.

WUH DE MA, what the hell is wrong with me?!
jspencer1986: (Default)
In October of last year I wrote an LJ entry that had a dream in it about a woman I work with, Jo. Well, I've had feelings for her for a while now, and even with the age gap (11 years is a big gap I know, but I really just don't care) I think I've fallen for this woman. There's a few problems with this potential scenario -

1. She has a 10 year old daughter. This may not seem like a big deal but if you think about it, I'm closer to being her daughters age than I am to being her age (I'm now 19 and she's just turned 30). Plus I used to be her daughters drum teacher - I think it would be a bit weird for her daughter to deal with although Caitlyn seems like one of the smartest 10 year olds I have ever met when it comes to relationships and judging a persons character.

2. She is in a long-distance relationship with a guy down in Sydney. For a start, I have been cheated on before and would never ask anybody to cheat on their partner to be with me. Second, this obviously means she isn't particularly interested in me in a relationship capacity.

3. Tomorrow is her last day at the company where I work.

I went to say goodbye to her tonight coz I wont be there to see her tomorrow and we ended up talking for an hour, her asking questions about my transtition, and still managing to be tactful and playful about the whole thing. She asked me if I have a girlfriend which I find a bit strange but I'm pretty sure nothing was intended by it. The biggest problem of all is the fact that every time I talk to her I fall in love all over again. She's just that kind of person. She's wild and crazy and up for a good time when the opportunity arises, but she is a mother before all else and she cares about her daughter deeply.

I know a lot of transguys I've met and talked to have already been in long term relationships or at least had a partner before starting to transition, and even though sometimes transition takes its toll on the relationship and may even be the breaking point of it, I would think that having someone to share the experience with would feel much better than going through it all on your own. I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that I feel mentally ready for a relationship but as soon as the physical side of things comes into question I just can't bring myself to go there. I'd really like a partner to share myself with through this process but the thought of being rejected in the first place because of my gender expression is enough to make me too shy to ask anyone out, not to mention the embarrassment over my body holding me back.

I consider myself a nice guy, and cute enough when it comes down to it. But I'm just too body-conscious.

Anyway, Jo gave me her phone number for when we get the house fixed up and we wanna have a get together or a barbeque or something. I told her me and the boys would invite her over sometime for a drink and a chat. I'm going to miss having her around at work though.

I wonder sometimes just how many straight or bisexual girls out there really do have a soft spot for trannyboys...?
jspencer1986: (Default)
Basically I'm writing (or trying to write) a screenplay. Take the storyline of Star Wars, the characters of How High, the pay-outs of Not Another Teen Movie and the stupidity of Dude, Where's My Car and you'll come somewhere close to what this movie will be like. My flatmate and I are thinking of pitching the completed script to a film company.

I got my second T shot yesterday, Matt gave it to me in Gale's office to make sure he had the technique down, and from now on he can administer my shots at home. There haven't been any significant changes as of yet, but at 2 weeks I didnt expect anything anyway. I've had a slight increase in sex drive (which kicked in about 3 days after my first shot and died down again about 2 days before my second shot), and a slight drop in my voice, which my flatmates actually informed me of. Once they said something about it I tried singing a song I had trouble with before going on T and actually had no trouble hitting the low notes. I was surprised at this because I thought the voice would take a lot longer to start changing. Oh yeah and my face seems to be getting slightly oilier.

Gale has me on Doxylin tablets for my acne *just remembered I didnt take one today...oops, thats the first time I've forgotten* and they seem to be working well so far, my acne is definitely getting under control.

In other news, I've been talking a lot to a girl named Steph who lives about 6 hours north of me (up near my parents) and a friend of hers, Kim. I've been talking to Steph for a few months now and I told her a few nights ago that I'm not biologically male. Now, her family is religious and I was worried about her reaction but she was great. She said it doesnt make me any less of a man to her and she respected me enough not to say anything to Kim so that I may tell her when I see fit. I was a bit taken aback though when Kim asked me out the other night...she thinks I'm a really sweet guy (even though I still sound like I'm 11 years old), but I had to turn her down. I'm not ready for a relationship, especially not a long distance relationship. All that aside, I feel the need for that closeness with someone because at the moment I'm just starting transition and I'm finding it to be a slightly lonely and isolating experience. By no means am I unhappy, I'm just lonely I think.

On a happier note, I had the night off work tonight. Me and the boys sat around listening to music, drinking and playing cards. It was bloody great.

Before I go, I'd just like to say: I HATE COPS. THE BASTARDS GOT MY BROTHERS LICENSE SUSPENDED FOR 6 MONTHS OVER A SPEEDING FINE HE CHALLENGED IN COURT BECAUSE THEY PULLED HIM OVER INSTEAD OF THE CAR THAT WAS ACTUALLY SPEEDING. SINCE WHEN DOES A BRAND NEW SUBARU IMPREZA GX LOOK LIKE A FUCKING SKYLINE WITH A MISSING FRONT BUMPER?!?!?

Grr.
jspencer1986: (Default)
It's been a long time - more than 3 months - since I last posted. I've been lost without my computer, internet and cellphone. I'm so happy I have them back - not at their best, but back just the same. My computer is as slow as my grandmother on a Sunday afternoon, my internet loads pages so slowly that most of them time out before they are done, and my cellphone is about the size of a brick. But at least they are all working again.

Anyway - mad dream. This chick that I work with, Jo, is the cutest, sweetest, sexiest little thing ever. We just won't mention that she's 11 years older than me, right? Well, I had this dream about her last night. It involved her, a party, a bunch of gangsters and a bed surrounded by curtains. It's understandable that there were gangsters in it considering I was listening to Dykes on Mykes last night and they were talking to the leading ladies from the all-girl production of Reservoir Dogs coming up in Brissy. But anywho here's my dream - for those interested. )

In other news, I came out at work a while ago and now I am officially James to everyone there even though it's not on any official documents yet, and my bosses try their best to suit my work times around my appointments (if its necessary) which is cool. All of the staff think of me as one of the boys and that's how I'm treated. I'm lovin' it.

Also - if anyone listens to the Hot 30 Countdown with Higgo and Alexis on B105 - please note that Alexis is a major hottie. So are Nat and Davinia from Dykes on Mykes. Which reminds me, they were talking about Pride '05 last night and I can't wait for it. Finally 18 so I can go into the Beer tent with the other T-boys and be macho.

It's 3am, I must be lonely.

Ok...just a little bit lonely, mostly just tired coz I only finished night shift at midnight. (10 hour shift, 2pm - midnight, no breaks.) Plus this post is a lot longer than I intended it to be so I apologise. And for anybody I usually email, I'm sorry, I can't get into my hotmail coz the page won't load so once that's running again you will all be receiving lots of mail :D
Later dayz, y'all.
jspencer1986: (Default)
Ok so for all those prudes out there who don't like sex talk - I'm putting last night's dream (and my flatmates dream as well) under an LJ cut.

Our sweet dreams. )

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