jspencer1986: (Default)
Too much is going on right now. Everyone is fighting, there's been yelling and screaming for days.

My family lived in Tannum Sands, a small town about 20 minutes out of Gladstone, but mum and Jamie both worked in Gladstone so they moved in here. That meant dad had to be the one traveling that road out to work. He died riding home from work on that road. Now that dad is gone, my brother and his fiance are trying to get a unit back out in Tannum, where they would have to drive past the site of dad's accident every day to get to work.

Mum has begged and pleaded with them not to move there, but Lisa (Jamie's fiance) isn't even prepared to listen to reason. She doesn't care that it upsets the rest of the family, if she wants it, she gets it.

We've just been sitting around at home talking things out for well over 2 hours, and it seems like things are a lot more settled between mum, Kira, Jamie and I, but he's stuck in the middle of us and Lisa. I feel sorry for him, but she angers me so much.

Things are so strained right now, I just want it over with.
jspencer1986: (Default)
My brother's fiance is slowly tearing him away. Everything has to be about her. She can't let anybody else have anything more than she does, and she wants my brother's undivided attention at ALL TIMES. She upsets my mum almost every day, and I'm getting so much more than sick and tired of it. I'm at the stage where everytime I think about her I get so angry that I shake and feel sick. The worst part is that my brother is sticking up for her. I've hit him once, and if he was here right now, instead of over there with her, I'd probably have hit him again. Then again, if he was here it wouldn't be a problem in the first place. She is wrecking my family and I hate her for it. Who is the one who has to make sure mum is ok every time they fight? Oh, yeah, that's right. ME. And who is the one that calls him up and tries to talk rationally and gets hung up on? Oh, yeah, right. That'd be me too. I want so badly just to hurt her, or him, or both. This is just getting out of control. My uncle suggested counselling, and while I agree with him, I still don't want to go. It's just all too much right now, and I don't know how much more I can handle.
jspencer1986: (Default)
Bad, bad, bad.

My brother and I have had a lot of fights in our time, but tonight...

Jamie and his fiance want to get married in January of '07, but mum doesn't think she could handle it so soon after dad's funeral. He doesn't see it from her point of view, and he is making it very difficult for her.

So, eventually he said a little too much. I yelled at him and he yelled at me, then I punched him and he punched me and it went from there. We've never had an actual fistfight like this before.

Anyway, since then we've smoothed everything over and mum has stopped crying and there have been hugs and whatever. It's just too much at the moment I think. It's so hard for everyone to deal with and it's making it easier for us to argue and fight.

The trip home in the car was kind of difficult because we kept playing CD's with songs that dad used to sing and I kept seeing him in my head, up on stage, singing those songs, and I was having a really hard time of it.

jspencer1986: (Default)
I got a message from my boss on my phone when I woke up. He wants me to work Saturday, but I'm already working Sunday and my parents are coming down for the weekend. I feel bad saying no, and I REALLY need the money, but I'd prefer to hang out with my parents. I never thought I'd say that.

In other news, Haydn and I just watched Band Candy and Once More With Feeling. I think we'll watch Tabula Rasa next That episode always makes me sad. I can't stand to see Tara leave. Then I want to watch the whole season of South of Nowhere again. It's official. I'm obsessed. I must add it to my list of favourites. Buffy. Firefly. Sports Night. And now South of Nowhere.

It's too annoying to think about the fact that I have to wait until October at the earliest for Season 2. Then again, we don't get the show here so I have to wait until somebody puts it on the internet. So it'll probably be the end of the year before I get to see it. THAT SUCKS BALLS.
jspencer1986: (Default)
Umm, so I had an accident on my motorbike coming home from my parents place. I was taking a corner (I always slow down a fair bit on the corners anyway, so I was lucky), and there was a bigass rock in the road and I didn't see it in time. I hit it on the wrong angle and the bike slid from under me. I ripped up my jacket pretty bad, scratched up my helmet (I took a nasty knock to the head, but no real damage), and other than that I just got a lot of scrapes and bruises. Some on my back from where my jacket and shirt came up while i was sliding, a scrape on my arm from the mesh inside my jacket and a few cuts and bruises on my hands (I was wearing gloves but they were only half-finger). I also hurt my shoulder. The one that's been giving me trouble already. So anyway I'm off to the doc at about 3, just to get myself checked out and make sure everything is ok. There was only myself and a bus on the road when it happened, and the bus was in front of me and saw it happen, so they stopped to help me. I was kind of dazed so they sat me down to stop me from wandering back out onto the road.

But anyway, I shook it off, got back on the bike and rode 10km to the next town, then I went to the ambulance station to get checked over. The guy there fixed me up, bandaids and gauze pads, then I was back on my way. I rode another 100km or so, and stopped for a break, then when I started the bike back up I had no power to my speedo, trip meter, or indicators. My dad and brother ended up driving 4 hours out to get me and the bike, then driving me another 3 hours down to my place. Being in a roadhouse for 4 hours is boring, especially when you can't move around much. So anyway, I have today and probably tomorrow off work, I get my bike fixed up tomorrow (there was very little damage to it), and then I should be right. I just need to make sure my shoulder is going to be ok.

Uh. So. Yeah. I'm an idiot. And now I realise why I'm always so careful on the bike, because it really doesn't take a mistake on my part, or any other drivers on the road for that matter, for something bad to happen. I also understand why everyone gets so worried when I take trips on the bike. I'm ok though, and that's what matters right now.


Mar. 20th, 2006 07:57 am
jspencer1986: (Default)
Finally, after much waiting, I did it. I got MY TATTOO. Here be a picture of the amazingness:

Image hosting by Photobucket

It isn't a great pic, but you get the idea.

And my dad finally got my mums name in his tattoo after 21 years of marriage. My brother also got a tattoo and my sister got her tongue pierced. Kind of a family outing of pain. It was actually a really special day to me. So, one down, three to go. I know what I want next (I had to choose between this other one and the one I got for my first, but I do want both), but I want at least one from each of my fandoms. I obviously don't want them all done at once so the others will be a while coming. I was told they were addictive but I had no idea what to expect. Guess I'm hooked.

I love it.
jspencer1986: (Default)
My sunburn was actually MORE painful today. I went out with my mum and sister and we had lunch with 2 of my old friends. They're coming around tonight just after midnight because they both had to work. I'm almost always up until the wee hours so thats fine by me. I've told them a little about John so now I'm apparently obligated to play them his parodies, and show them the opening to the tape he made me because they are curious to see what he looks/sounds like.

So after lunch I had my optometrist appointment, and my mum bought me a new pair of glasses and a pair of prescription sunglasses. I've never had the sunglasses before but they'll definitely come in handy for while I'm on the motorbike. Sun glare can be very dangerous on the bike. So anyway, I should have those sent out to me within a week, and I'm excited. I didn't have a lot of frames to choose from, but I got a couple I really liked. And Doug (my optometrist) was in a really good mood today and gave me my normal glasses cheaper than they should have been, AS WELL as giving me my sunglasses for just $60 MORE!! That's phenomenal. I love that guy. He smells nice too. No comment.

Well, I'm blistering pretty bad and it doesn't look like it'll be easing off too much in time for Christmas Day. I think maybe I WILL be getting drunk and passing out. Good times. It's a good thing I came to see my family because if it was anybody else I was going to see I would have been so pissed off about getting so badly burnt. But it's my family. They're taking care of me as best they can and they feel bad that I got like this coming to see them. I may be in an immense amount of pain, but, truth be told, I'd put up with that pain anyday if it was for my family. The consequence of having to deal with the pain is nothing compared to the payoff of getting to be with them for a while.

What can I say? That's love.
jspencer1986: (Default)
My parents want me to fly home for Christmas coz I only have 4 days off work then, and if I ride the motorbike I'll only be left with 2 days to spend with them.

To anybody else that would actually sound like a great idea, but if anybody knew how afraid of airports I am, they wouldn't be asking me to do such a thing.

That's right, the plane doesn't bother me, nor the flight itself, but the airports before and after the flight scare the absolute hell outta me.

Yes. I'm a freak.
jspencer1986: (Default)
James: One who takes the place of another. How appropriate.

Finn told me when he was down here to see me that that is what my name meant, but I couldn't remember so I looked it up tonight. Most of the baby names sites I read only said: James - Supplanter. So I was all like "WTF is a supplanter?!"

So anyway I went to www.dictionary.com to look it up and it said "one that takes the place of another". I like that definition because I feel like it describes me, and the fact that I am finally breaking out of what I was, and becoming who I know I can be.

I didn't even know what James meant 5 months ago when I chose it. It sounds pretty stupid but I was told after I got my hair cut that I looked like James Hetfield from Metallica (minus much wanted facial hair!) when I was performing. So I tried the name out, asked a few people how it "fit" me - and overall it went well. And on top of that I liked it, and thus became James. Keeping my family happy is a high priority also, which is most of the reason why I'm making my two middle names very close in resemblance to my birth name and middle name. My last name...well I would love to change it but that would cause a LOT of upset.

Hence, James Nicholas Jay B-

On a less interesting note, my mum is making me ask my dad how he feels about my plans to transition before I leave for Brisbane.

October 2010

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